Some personal and shared stuff Sunday, 20 August 2017 - 8:00

Tag Archives: Couples

Improve Your Relationship with a Simple Adjustment to Your Expectations

Patrick Allan

Good relationships are a balance of give and take. By adjusting your expectations even just a small amount, you can strengthen your relationships tremendously.

People wouldn’t develop relationships with each other if both parties didn’t get something out of it. It could be love, support, or even friendship. Relationship problems arise, however, when someone’s expectations aren’t being met. Stephen Guise , the author of Mini Habits, suggests that the best way to fix and avoid those problems, is to adjust your own expectations:

…expect to receive less and expect to give more. Giving more will increase your value to the other person, while expecting less will make you far less likely to be disappointed in them… Imagine two people in a romantic or friend relationship who both decide to give more than they receive to the other. Their admiration, trust, and respect for one another will grow, and the relationship will thrive, because when you give more and expect less, you increase your value and decrease your burden to the other person.

The adjustment is slight, but it can create a world of difference. The little things that grated on you before aren’t as bad because you’re no longer looking for perfection in someone. And you make things better for the other party by giving just a little extra effort. Take your newly adjusted expectations and do your best to keep things exciting, and your relationship might go the distance.

 

Appreciation and interest in partner’s joys are keys to lasting relationships

Masters of Love

Science says lasting relationships come down to—you guessed it—kindness and generosity.

Every day in June, the most popular wedding month of the year, about 13,000 American couples will say “I do,” committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth.

Except, of course, it doesn’t work out that way for most people. The majority of marriages fail, either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction. Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages, as psychologist Ty Tashiro points out in his book The Science of Happily Ever After, which was published earlier this year.

Social scientists first started studying marriages by observing them in action in the 1970s in response to a crisis: Married couples were divorcing at unprecedented rates. Worried about the impact these divorces would have on the children of the broken marriages, psychologists decided to cast their scientific net on couples, bringing them into the lab to observe them and determine what the ingredients of a healthy, lasting relationship were. Was each unhappy family unhappy in its own way, as Tolstoy claimed, or did the miserable marriages all share something toxic in common?
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Five Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple Makes

Five Communication Mistakes Almost Every Couple MakesBy:  Melanie Pinola

No matter how in tune you are with your partner, misunderstandings and communication gaffes are always possible. Here are five of the most common, yet avoidable communication mistakes that could harm a relationship.

Some types of communication are more obvious signs your relationship might be doomed: extreme criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Today let’s talk about the more subtle ways we might not be communicating as well as we could with our partners—and how to avoid them.

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How to Stop Arguing and Actually Solve Your Relationship Problems

You’re a couple in love. Naturally, you’re going to fight once in awhile. However, being frustrated or angry with your partner doesn’t have to be destructive, as long as you know how to approach the argument.

For the purposes of this article, we’re going to talk about romantic relationships. Obviously, any argument with another person can benefit from some of these principles, but different relationship dynamics require different approaches. What’s appropriate for your boyfriend may not be the best solution for dealing with your boss or your crappy roommate. Romantic relationships have their own unique challenges and its best to deal with problems when they start.

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